Dennis McGuire- Humor

One night, I was upstairs in 1–building, mopping the hallway in front of the cells and Ms. Wayne was hovering right over me, a few feet behind me, just fascinated with my mopping technique. I spotted a little pink pill on the floor next to the wall which I recognized as a ranitidine tablet, prescribed for indigestion. I reached down and picked it up and said “Hey! I’ve been lookin’ for one of these!” She said “What’s that?” I said “It’s a ranitidine pill, for indigestion.” Then I made a motion as if to put it in my mouth, knowing what reaction I’d get, and she hollered out “McGuire! That’s been on the floor!” I said “I know, but look how small it is. It hasn’t picked up that many germs,” She started shaking her head. I said “And besides, it’s out of the maine line of traffic. It probably hasn’t been stepped on.” She rolled her eyes.

But she was smiling. Man, I miss that woman.

Another night, I was mopping the floor upstairs after we had served breakfast, which included cereal and milk.  Ms. Wayne was shadowing me again, and I looked down at the floor and pointed and said “Spilled milk.  No sense cryin’ over it, though”  She rolled her eyes.  That was a funny line, so I used it again with other officers who accompanied me on the other nights.  Nobody else really appreciated my sense of humor quite like Ms. Wayne, though.

Man, I miss that woman.

I was watching my girl Taylor Swift on TV the other night and tI told my buddy Gomez sitting next to me “Man, if I’d married Taylor Swift seven years ago like I shoulda done, none of this would’ve been necessary.”  Then I added “well, no, wait a minute, she was 15 then, so I woulda been here with a whole ‘nother set of problems.  So much for that.”  This k


  1. […] Excerpt from “humor” […]