Bryan Page, April 17 2008
Bryan Page
1061602
April 17, 2008
It has been a while since I last wrote in my Journal. I have been through so much and so many things have changed inside me and around me.
I have been denied release several more times cine I last spoke of it. I am currently scheduled to be released on May 1st, pending the Parole Boards vote and that means that I will never be denied my sixth time. It has never failed to dig deep into my heart that my original crime I was sentenced for was a misdemeanor, I could have received a ticket for it. Instead, the great state of Texas has deemed me to serve over a decade in a maximum security prison.
I don’t know how to keep hate from filling my heart and soul. How do I not become some uncaring, vengeful person who can’t look at an authority figure and be overwhelmed with rage? Can anyone tell me how I can ever have any respect for laws, justice, or government again?
Anyways – boo hoo poor me – who cares about one guy, one cell, one life right? I am guilty of theft, Wal-Mart will never be the same and the dope dealer can just eat cake – he will never see my business again.
On the lighter side of life, the world goes on. My oldest son, now seventeen, has been taking Brazilian Jujitsu. I think all those fighting shows like UFC are starting to have an impact on our youth.
Chris (my oldest) is also in a Christian alternative band. He’s a drummer. My youngest son is the lead guitar and he rocks. I have recently had a lot of concerns with Christianity because when I compared it to the Pre-Christian nature based religion of my ancestors (Asatru – Heathenism – Odinist) I found that it came up palefully short. I have found a new energy in life to try to quiet the storm inside me and I believe it is possible to take the best aspects of both faiths and find myself there.
Is monotheism really so important? Where is the feminine in Christianity? How unnatural it is to not have a goddess. Frigga, Freya, Ostara, Idun, the Lady, Sif and Nanna. It is a balance of life, a completeness. Don’t get me wrong, I only have good experiences with Christianity. It is only, a little, off. I hear a lot of people who move to other faiths because of a bad experience with another human. That is shallow because you’ll have bad experiences with humans as long as you’re on earth.
My family is devotedly Christian, all my friends are Christians and pastors at that. When I am finally released in 2012 I will be 43, sitting in a pew at one of my friend’s churches and wondering why there is no goddess there. Later, at least eight time a year (one for each Celtic/Norse ritual) I will join my Odinist friends in an Odin or Thor blot. Yule, Imbolc, Equinox’s, Solstice’s, Beltaine, Lughnassa, Samhain, etc. I will be there. I will also try to point out things to each side that is in common or different from the other and explain the best I can.
Enough about that, things here on the Hughes Unit have become hectic and violent. It is dangerous times here. I pray that I am allowed to spend at least a couple of my son’s youthful years with them. Come on May 1st. My M.I.A. wife has been a true Viking for my sons. A true hero. I wish she wanted to be part of my life still. I would love to go into long conversations with her at visit of in letters. She is a great person. Unfortunately I am alone, and my writings are often the ramblings of a lonely, hurting man who wants his life back but has to face the fact that that life no longer exists. I would love to meet some new pen-pals. Pen-pals are very hard to find and pen-pals you really connect with are even rarer. It is a truly beautiful person who reaches out to someone like me. Hint-hint. Haha. O.K. I feel better. If anyone is actually reading this, contact me and I’ll tell you a story, he I’m IRISH, that’s what we do.
Peace and Blessings
Until Next Entry
Bryan