Michael Santiesteban, April 23rd, 2012

“Sometimes I don’t know if I’m alive and dreaming or dead and remembering”…

My life’s not bad. I mean yeah I am incarcerated. Yeah I have been here going on ten and a half years. But I am near my flightfull date. My sentence is almost over. 46 more months!!! I can say without no hesitation or wavering in my thought process that the State of Fl. DOC has broken me out of the JackBoy lifestyle. My penance I have taken heed to. I am done robbing drug dealers, as a career move I don’t think that was wise to begin with. Guess that job fair I went to was not the right one! lol.

In all seriousness at 37 years old (nearly) I have changed my ways. Entering to the dark and hollow of prison life at 25 was a game changer. My love of fast cars, fast money and even faster women was my downfall. Being a distant parent to my children Michael, Tabitha, and Lory — it hasn’t been easy. My son has taught me quite a few lessons along the years. He is 18, my daughter Tabitha 17, and the smallest Lory 13. Have lived out there in society with the boogey man. Thankfully their mother has been a source of strength and encouragement for them. I stress the life they can create with ill thought-out choices or worse, peer pressure. I try as much as I can to enlighten them and guide them through the mine-field that life at the rebellious teen years can be. I don’t know how good I am at that considering my very own life as been the holes of self-inflicted I.E.Ds. But I try.

I deal with the abuses of power daily here. Florida, the good ole bay networks capital is still way backwards. My Cuban descendance is easily camouflaged due to my fair skin. But the racism other Hispanics and Blacks experience is sad. The abuses physical as well as verbal are a throwback to 1940s Germany or 1960 Selma. I’ll leave that alone, Lord knows I don’t need the pressure. They do read the mail!

I enjoy the journaling, poetry writing. I think that’s what kept me mentally strong. I am blessed with health, a lil’ intelligence and the wherewithal to crave change and a better life. My children are my life. Even though their mother and I are no longer together, I still keep a level of admiration and respect for her. She gave me three beautiful lives to share in. How great is that? Magical I say!

My existence in these walls is by far better than others. I am blessed with a support system out there that we all need. Caged up or not, no one really likes or wants to be alone. I feel blessed because of the love I receive and the wisdom to rely on that love when I see the injustices that here I see. I maintain a low-pro and am non-confrontational. I am no bad ass, but my reputation as a no nonsense man gets me respect that others must claw for. I at times am so fed up with it all. The power struggles in the system are pitiful and so one-sided when pitted against administration. I’ve seen many of heartbreaks and let downs when at times the powers that be decide to exert that power over us. Loss of canteen, loss of phone privileges, loss of visits, loss of the very little freedom we do have, all used to break the spirit and tame the mind. I can’t wait. These 46 months are all I am concentrating on! I’ll keep you posted!